Victims of sexual abuse : anonymous African men share their stories

violences abuse
Photo : Kvvαdwo Οβeng / Instagram

The testimonies of men who were victims of sexual abuse and rape by women were collected by Olashile Abayomi. Long silent, these men tell of years of abuse.

Men have testified, some for the first time publicly, about the sexual abuse they have suffered from women, mother, sister, aunt, among others.

Initiated by Olashile Abayomi, she quickly received hundreds of anonymous messages from men, victims of sexual abuse suffered in childhood, and long remained silent.

One of them recounts the abuse suffered in his sister’s room. William was 12 years old. « I’m 28 now but I still face depression and excessive masturbation. She was in her twenties when it happened. I realized that she would always want me to come to sleep on the same bed with her, especially when no one was at home. Could not understand […] I still have flashes on how she is going to put me on her bed. I was so confused, not knowing what to do, that I close my eyes or watche her eyes. It affected all areas of my life, including my relationships. At one point, I hated women. Sometimes I get the feeling that I still have this resentment inside. I deliberately avoid too many details because she is married now. The situation worsened when a friend joined her and both of them made me their object. I lost all my esteem and confidence. »

Another man named Samuel, who ran away when his mother had sex with him for 6 years, « I ran away from home. She did not see or hear from me before getting married and having children. My wife is my support system and we both agreed to tell her family that I am orphaned from an orphanage. I do not know my father. You are the second person to know it. However, I am healed now. »

David recounts how his aunt abused him at the age of 6. « I remembered the room, the bed, the house and the time of abuse. She was naked and I remembered that she undressed me and she placed me on her vagina and I remember her moans. I have not told anyone so far. I would like to see her now and confront her. I have a 12 year old son and I can not imagine anyone doing what my aunt did to me. It’s very sad. »

The men seem determined not to be quiet anymore, like Paul who has been suffering and torturing for over 30 years. « I was sexually assaulted by the housekeeper at the age of 3. I remembered that my parents were busy public servants. I remember we had a housekeeper. I remember her name, but I’ll hide it now. She called me ‘my husband’, and made sure I was well fed, etc. She played the nice aunt. But it was the beautiful part. My parents would work in the morning and she would become what she was for me – a pedophile. She would undress me, tickle me, then continue to have ‘sex’ with me, shouting as she did. I remember crying because I knew something was wrong. It lasted a long time – I do not remember how long. And when my parents came back, she claimed that everything was fine. And called me ‘my husband’. It was a torture for me. I was a baby, little child, yes. But anyone in flesh could feel pain. I have felt it. Little by little, I told my parents in my ‘babyish’ way. My mother never believed me or understood me. My father too. But I persisted. ‘Mom, aunt made me lie down on her,’ I would say. Anyway, my mother may have had enough of my troubles. And with my father, they trapped her. They pretended to go to work and she took me to her room. She was about to start – then they burst into the room. My parents gave her the beating of her life and chased her to the village. For them it was the end but not for me. I have a clear and photographic memory. For good and for the opposite. I still remember everything like yesterday. It affected the way I saw women – some fear, some revulsion, some hatred. But not a hate to act badly, but a hate to flee a romantic relationship with the ladies. Sometimes I have flashes that send me into depression. I hold the microphone and preach to the church and inside me, I am ashamed because of what happened almost thirty years ago. I’m fine in other aspects of my life. Romantic relationships, no. I forgave her and my parents for neglect a long time ago. I know that I will soon be an excellent husband and father. However, this is a lesson for parents and future parents. Protect your children. Listen to your children’s complaints. Please. You could just be saving a life. »

Mike, who says he is shy, hesitated for a long time before publishing his testimony. « When I was 15, I was forced to have sex with a 26-year-old woman and this was my first experience. Then it was with a lesbian, I just left for a normal visit and she used this opportunity because she was so excited. Since then, I have lost all desire for sex and I still wonder and pray that it does not affect my future marriage. It’s a secret that nobody knows in my life […] I kept it away from my family and friends because that day was a very bad day for me. She even asked for more with her lesbian friends. I run for my life. »

Axel was abused by his neighbor and his teacher, « I was young, about 7 years old, there was a neighbor, a ‘big sister’, she always called me to play with my private parts and always made me do unimaginable things in his private parts … it happened for several years before we left the complex. Then at 11, my teacher did the same, it pushed me to want more sex and masturbation. I am in my thirties now […] I am an adult now but I am completely cured. I find it really hard to love a woman really out of sex. I am still healing. It’s a long process, I suppose. »

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